A Personal Account from a Detransitioner
Jessi Harris
- Jessi Harris
- United States, Pacific Northwest
- Female
- Socially transitioned at 32
- Detransitioned at 62
- Testosterone
My Story
My Name is Jessi Harris. I’m in my 70s now, born and raised in the United States, and I’ve spent most of my life in the Pacific Northwest. I’m a writer and have dedicated myself to documenting the complexities of identity, community, and the lived experience. I’m also a lifelong member of the Lesbian community.
My book “Down the Rabbit Hole: An Elder Lesbian’s 30-year journey to Detransition,” explores the intersections of personal history and social evolution, and offers my perspective on the shifting landscapes of modern life.
Beyond the page, I’m recognized as a voice within the detransitioners community. I’ve been interviewed by advocates and creators, focusing my efforts on increasing public awareness. My goal is to provide a “model” for those navigating similar paths—particularly older individuals seeking relatable guidance and visibility. I want to bridge the gap between generations and foster a deeper understanding of the diversity of our stories.
"I Identified as a Trans Man'"
I’m grateful to have met Stella O’Malley who is a powerful voice for those of us seeking respite from an ideology designed to create unquestioned loyalty to a narrative full of contempt for the survivors of this current social nightmare. I want to thank Beyond Trans and its associates for recognizing that there is another side to the story. Thank you for assembling the resources necessary to create a space where detransitioners, and those who desire to desist, are welcomed and supported.
In 1987, I was 32 years old, and began living in transition socially, with the help of testosterone. During this decade there was no real statistics regarding the complexities of transsexuality. Most of the professionals in the field at the time were generally focused on male-to-female transsexuality and very rarely on female-to-male individuals. I could not know what to expect nor was I given any guarantee things would improve. I identified and lived life as a “trans man,” for the next thirty years. It eventually invaded every aspect of my life, and seldom for the better. Ultimately, it was a much more difficult way to live – mentally, physically, and spiritually. In 2017, when I was 62, I began detransitioning.
What Contributed to My Transition
I didn’t live in transition because I wanted to be a man. I never saw myself as residing in the “wrong body,” nor did I secretly wish I had been born a boy. I wasn’t subjected to puberty blockers, nor did I begin transitioning as a minor. My parents had no influence on my decision; in fact, they were very unhappy with it. I experienced no medicalization other than testosterone usage which, unfortunately and over the years, resulted in further medical issues as a direct result.
I lived in transition to protect myself from life as I knew it during the mid-1970s and into the 1980s. My life as a lesbian and my community activism made me a target for homophobes. Most masculine presenting butch lesbians like myself, were seen as threatening, and by some, as dangerous. I am far from either, but that didn’t change my reality.
Cross-sex hormones were fundamentally experimental in 1987. Unlike today, the physician who prescribed me testosterone, and the therapist who sent me to his office, had very little knowledge regarding the inherent dangers of subjecting a female body to its effects.
The Consequences
My hair fell out in clumps. Today, I must protect my scalp from sunburn during the summer, and my head gets very cold during the winter My baldness will always be a reminder of what I did to myself.
My vocal cords became permanently damaged and my voice will never be the same. I must regularly clear my throat, and consciously make an effort to modulate my voice to fit the typical rhythm and cadence of most female voices.
Testosterone suppresses the estrogen that keeps female reproductive systems healthy and functioning. Consequently, this hormonal interruption caused mine to atrophy and become septic resulting in a complete hysterectomy. It’s been said by a cardiologist that testosterone also set me up for the series of cardiac events that I experienced. One positive side-effect of this long-term usage, I believe, is that it may have saved me from developing osteoporosis.
Permanent Signs
Testosterone left me with permanent signs of various secondary sex traits. Even after many years’ abstinence, I must still trim my eyebrows when they begin looking like hairy little caterpillars. My body is finally free from the hair that had covered my chest, back, arms, and knuckles but I must still shave my face. Age has weathered my appearance, for sure, but testosterone certainly contributed to the progression.
Because my libido and its sexual urgency increased, I understand now why men are so persistent when they become interested in a woman, and how testosterone can push a man into a constant craving for sexual activity, and with it, their potential for aggression and assault.
In all of their gyrations to govern society’s behaviors and beliefs, it appears to me that current politicians and policymakers are the proverbial dogs chasing their tail. Every generation brings another way to challenge the mainstream. Gay Rights activism was my generation’s voice for equality, and our challenge to the status quo was to acknowledge that we existed; laws and provisions didn’t stop us in this movement.
My Message to Policymakers
I encourage healthcare professionals such as therapists and physicians, to stop fearing the rath of the trans activists and their agenda. I am not convinced that the inherent risks of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones are unknown to you.
While it is against policy to prohibit American adults the right to live life as we choose, it is also against policy to allow minors to make decisions regarding their right to vote, get tattoos, enlist in the military, purchase alcohol, or drive a car.
How can our society allow a child to have such free will in the decision to radically alter their body with medical procedures that have such extreme consequences when they have no real-life experience from which to draw their conclusions? Be unafraid to question motive and to “Do no harm.”
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